It is the first day of NorthCreek school today. Last year I was ecstatic that I wasn’t there, I am pretty sure I danced little jig’s all over the house and twittered my fingers in excitement (a strange tendency I have). This year I had a good cry. Suddenly the world of teaching and sending kids home at the end of the day seems much more manageable and rewarding. Motherhood is overwhelming at the moment and I question myself unceasingly. “Am I doing this right? Am I disciplining in anger? Is he that “terror” child everyone can’t stand to have over? Do people think I am a bad mother?”….it goes on and on.
I should realize everyday that it is a day I need the Lord and an abundance of his grace, but today I woke up with a more keen awareness of that need. I didn’t read any enlightening passage in the bible that answered all my questions and put all my fears to rest or whipped my sinful mind and thoughts back into shape…I am in Exodus learning about all the rings and bronze altars etc…=). I plainly went about my morning routine and was faithful in my time with the Lord. And as I have gone about my established Monday tasks…change our towels, change our bedding, wash the bathroom rug, and all the hand towels the Holy Spirit has been consistent to work in me. Yes I do have a much harder job now, I will make many mistakes, and I am a horrible mother. My patience is lacking, my anger is quick, my spirit is lazy but my Savior is great.
He has blessed me with a child, a husband who is way too good for me, God loving and fearing family, and most of all salvation. In light of Him and His goodness and His promises to me, I can persevere in the task of motherhood. So today I can rejoice and do my little finger dance, not because I don’t have to teach anymore, but because I have a ridiculously great God who will never leave me nor forsake me.
